I.T. guys talk Tolkien…or do they?

“There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something.” Chapter 4, The Hobbit

This Sunday, March 25th is the Tolkien Society’s designated Tolkien Reading Day. This year marks the 75th anniversary of the release of the beloved and award-winning novel, The Hobbit.

It goes without saying that a lot of HPB employees are huge Tolkien fans. Since I didn’t experience The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings and Tolkien’s other works until I was well into my 20’s, I thought perhaps some of my co-workers might have childhood memories filled with adventure stemming from Tolkien’s writings.

…and this is where this blog post begins to fall-apart. This is a true email conversation that spanned about 8 minutes total time one Tuesday afternoon. I asked my “lunch-bunch” friends in I.T. a simple question:

Me: “Do you know if anyone down there is a big-big-big Tolkien fan (or are any of you)? We have “Tolkien Reading Day” later this month and I need a blog contributor.

[If I would have listened carefully, I would have heard keyboard clicking screech to a halt and a heavy sigh on the other end of the building]

DJ: Just because we work in I.T. or have goatees does not mean we automatically nerd out about Tolkien.  Having said all that, I have read all the books and own all the movies. I have not read the entire Silmarillion, so I would not say I am a big big big fan.

RT: I can’t believe you haven’t read all of the Silmarillion. When I have to walk into Mordor I don’t know if I can have you in my fellowship.

DJ: Well if you had read any of the Silmarillion then you would also know that it would not really prepare you to face Mordor in its current state. 

JT: I haven’t been so insulted since Marvel replaced Brian Bendis with Andy Diggle on Daredevil.  ANDY DIGGLE!  So that should tell you something. I mean, why not just give it to Dan Slott?!?

DJ: Dan Slott can’t draw feet. This is known. You might as well roll a troll priest when undead is clearly the better option*.

*WoW patches circa 2009 and prior only.

ME: Decide on something. Maybe a top 5 list …something on The Hobbit (75th anniversary). If I get nothing, I am just submitting this conversation.

JT: I think you mean Rob Liefeld, but I take your point.  He’s as useless as a hunter with STR attributes on his weapon!*

*so much funnier when read in the voice I’m using in my head.

DJ: Just make a “Scumbag Bilbo” meme where it has him taking Gollum’s “Precious” like a chump and call it a day.

I admit I have no idea who Dan Slott is, and don’t really care.  It was just my segue way into pretentious “min-maxer” WoW comment.

RT: Yawn, this conversation is like watching two healers duel.

ME: The blog post is practically writing itself.

DT: Can we go out for ice cream now?

DJ:  Geez, Dave, just sit back and enjoy the ride.   Pretend you are Pippin or Merry and just chill the heck out while everyone else carries water for you.

DT: That pretty much describes most of my days.

DJ: I’m sure you would have been all for giving Tom Bombadil the one ring for safe keeping, wouldn’t you?

RT: Nerd.”

And then they all decided to go across the street for a smoothie.

There you have it folks. Have an extra breakfast today and crack open a Tolkien classic this fine reading day!

— Becky